back to square one

i will never ever forget this day - change, change, change.

bring it on, future!

because uncertainty has been the lingering theme of my life for the past three weeks and i'm not entirely sure how long i can take this (i'm guessing my patience could only take me as far as the month ends), and like any other depressing/emo/sawi state i've wallowed into, - life-changing events happened, epiphanies appeared, and false pride (to hide fears/doubts) subsided. not only was i able to do something about my growing almost uncontrollable impatience on my current immobility, i also (i hope!) mustered every grain of courage to face the consequences of my actions in the coming days (or weeks). i realized that beating around the bush is no longer a valid excuse and castigation will be exercised should it resurface again. my rage over pretentious people who in a way betrayed me miraculously vanished and my heart finally went back to its regular beat. much can be said about the past few months and i surmise i will be facing more painful challenges but this one should always remain in my head (apologies for the absurd cryptic-ness) - l.p.m.a.

uncertainty

there are many things that never fail to amaze me in the past 6 years i spent in this city. sometimes i wonder where my feet will take me next.

i'm ready now

"If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives, jobs. And maybe your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery, isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance. Of how much you really want to do it. And you'll do it, despite rejection in the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods. And the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is."

-Charles Bukowski

on friendship

my closest (and almost considered as best friend) is back from states today with loads of amazing and kilig stories. how i felt so relieved and elated when i saw her at work this morning.

*sigh*

i feel whole again.

=)

warning: too much cheese (hold your breath)

i woke up this morning feeling the intense rush of happiness from falling in love. in fact, ever since he became that one added part in my life, everything started falling into place. true, we hit a rough patch but life has been so wonderful and breezy and grounded lately. i know we're going to make this work no matter what.

you and i fit perfectly together. i love you more and more everyday Mark. =)

today

there's a recurring thought in my head that's been running restlessly for a few weeks now only that i couldn't quite grasp what exactly it's trying to tell me. it's like a growing impatience of wanting to retire from the corporate madness I've come to grow tired of after almost 10 months of toiling without a certain resolution in mind. there's something about constant change that continues to haunt me, no matter what time, wherever I am at and whatever I may be doing - a feeling of wanting to move on surges up inside me and for a second, I find myself momentarily paralyze.

on some days like today, I try so hard to understand everything that's happening to me - images with fleeting value constantly play in my head - and figure out what I really am now.