behind the tiny chef (a very feeble attempt to write a decent review)

Ratatouille quite reawakened the sleeping artist in me. Not that I now long to become a culinary genius in the near future, but the sensibility of the film that celebrates good taste and aesthetic accomplishment (which can be a tad elitist) bring to the fore ideals that popular culture needs to imbibe more these days: a distaste for laziness and mediocrity, and a high regard for passion and the pursuit of excellence (yehesss, MAGIS.) I love the film no matter how icky the sight of the swarming rodents can get - as what the director said, "interspecies understanding may have its limits" - because it made me feel better about myself though i am not that of a genius as Remy, ha ha; at least, I know what I am really passionate of (or so I think). All in all, ratatouille is a remarkable film that offers a kind of moving, sophisticated pleasure from the astonishing characters to the dishes made with such ardor and inspiration. Pixar magic has worked yet again...

happy-emo-song

i want to feel Meg Ryan-ish in the movie "You've Got Mail" when she's falling in love with F-O-X already. ha ha, what a feel-good movie that is. she strolls along happily in the streets of Manhattan (or was that Brooklyn?) on her way home while this song plays in the background:

and now i tell you openly, you have my heart so don't hurt me. You're what I couldn't find. A totally amazing mind, so understanding and so kind; You're everything to me. Oh my life, Is changing every day. In every possible way. And oh, my dreams, It's never quite as it seems, 'Cause you're a dream to me. Dream to me.

hmmm, gives me warm fuzzies inside.

tomorrow will get better

i have been meaning to inject a considerable amount of text in this blog because i feel gloomy if i do not update oftener (as if i am betraying readers or disappointing fans, ha ha. NOT!). so aside from Thursday's highness due to the much hyped ateneo-la salle game (see previous post), my days have been pretty civilized. as much as i want to laze around the house all day for the rest of my life, having a job is still so much chicer. good thing, i hear the sounds of a windfall this coming week and boy have i never been so psyched about going back to work. have been so preoccupied with the negotiations and i would like to see this as a step in a good direction for my career. as for the other meaningless aspects of my life, there is not much to say save for a few yo-yo emotions that i have kept harping on and on since god knows when that i am completely sick of it already except that IT still remains deep within me. i also managed to exorcise some demons regarding some personal issues with a few creatures that i could not help but be happier and .sigh. saner. the cause of everything, though, i have failed still. not always a breakthrough but you know, it's always quite something. this is becoming more cryptic than i have intended it to be. forgive me for yammering on and on again. i see it's 2 am so that explains. good night!

admu-dlsu game, 80-77

There is nothing better than this feeling in this exact place and time in the world. I love my school.

EDIT: the most decent photo we have (ha ha); second one from fabilioh.com.

barf day. seriously.

i had an entertaining almost riotous lunch with E and L today at g4. i missed you guys. these are my official bitches. and i thought i am such a meanie already... wait until you meet these fellas, i am THIS close to being canonized as a saint. ha ha. hilarious quotable quotes are with evi's. seriously, where is S? you missed out on a lot of fun.

where do i go now

in my currently unemployed state, i wake up wondering what little, twaddle project i can amuse myself with. everyday is a Saturday, so my dear brother/mentor/Professor says. i have copious amounts of Time and The Economist again (thanks to daddy for the unwavering support via subscriptions of all kinds including Teen Vogue, Glamour and Elle - none of which he finds remotely interesting save from the bikini-clad models he sees from time to time. teehee.). so i find myself keeping abreast with the more significant international news (a breather from the exasperating national politics) and the capital/finance market recently. i don't know why, but i continue to find the finance world increasingly fascinating since my short bank stint albeit i am just a mere mortal from the social sciences. maybe i am really leaning towards some bank career? oh God forbid. i have stocked up on quite a few books, too and i must say, magazines and books are now my official greatest extravagance that my room is close to resembling a cramped salon already.

hmmm, it's been an exhausting week for me (yes i know, it's only Tuesday) and with August here again i can't believe that July is coming to an end in just a week from now! things are moving at such a breakneck pace and i have been so consumed with the desire to do well in my career and have a fat bank account, which i know won't be able to give me everything anyway; it's just the immature longing inside of me wanting to prove myself to everyone. sigh. i seriously need to stop this self-destructive habit. speaking of career, i don't know what to do with my life anymore. i'm getting more and more confused everyday. offers are popping out left and right and i know i should be grateful for these but i have never felt so purposeless in my entire life. you can say i am in limbo, maybe i am i have no clue, but i feel so incredibly restless and stressed lately (oh yeah, what's new, right). i just want to think or meditate about where i really want my life to head to; otherwise, i will be forever stuck in a serious case of brain clutter.

i am not making sense, am i? this is just a poor excuse to write. or maybe my mind is actually aimlessly wandering somewhere trying to find its niche. oh, come back, idiotic mind. save me.

Pop Sociology

"Why do so many young people today have an inflated sense of entitlement? And who's to blame? The list of suspects is long and includes the State of California, Burger King, FedEx, MTV, parents, especially parents."

I say blame the life of shallow consumerism, brand worship, media hype on the "young hollywood" (ew, i hate that term), rehab people and too much sense of individuality bullcrap. Pop culture, if taken more seriously (which is what people should be doing, not just unquestionably imitating what they see on the tube most of the time), is actually quite a fantastic intellectual play. Whatever that is. Ha ha.

sitting still (or so i think)

things have been... strange for the past few days. nobody knows but myself (not even the other one involved) that i have been trying really hard to make the situation look (and feel) nonchalantly usual but deep down, i am constantly grappling with hard facts - something that i could hold on to in the most concrete way, if possible. i am always at lost. this is your fault.

on a happier note, i have never been so in control of my actions and words. guess with maturity comes this intense self-control that is incredibly satisfying after a series of unexpected events (ha ha). no matter how many times i deny/elude this kind of taking chances bullshit crap, i find myself being utterly sucked in and defined by it. in the meantime, i am sitting quite peacefully, drinking a cup of rosemary tea.

fashionable simpsons

Harper's Bazaar has released its August issue with something deftly funny and unbelievably cool illustrations of the Simpsons dressed in various designers. Here are two pictures of Marge Simpson with some high profile fashion designers at the Paris Fashion Week for Fall held recently. Well, what can i say, high fashion for the Simpsons, indeed. Can't wait to get hold of a copy of this issue - a clever fashion spread, finally! You win me over again, Simpsons. Good move, PR people!

oh there you go again, silly thing.

silly love. silly me. silly world.

smack me on the head now. several times, please.

it's talagang silly.


p.s. everyone, it's Friday the 13th. anyone up for games? silly games, of course. =)

midnight attacks

i have no clue why i am brimming with ideas at exactly when the clock hits 12. really, it's annoying. i am trying to follow a strict bed time and has recently imposed a curfew on my rather stubborn self to sleep before 1. go ahead, laugh your head off. i am no 10 year old but once you start working your ass off at some firm with some 'nice' colleagues where there's a shitload of internal politics to deal with almost everyday, you want to be alive every nanosecond you step inside the coffin, i mean, the office. but anyway, my point is, i always get this rush of senses, if you know what i mean, that comes inevitably with an almost violent wave of wanting to write something. you know those days when you crave for that single line that would spur you to write something substantial but nothing, nothing comes? that moment when you desperately want to write but when you finally get down on it - something entirely unrelated annoyingly comes out? midnight is exactly the opposite of that but why? why at midnight? why?

whatever. curfew is in 15mins. i am better off in bed, sleeping off these thoughts. oh, good night, silly world!

school spirit

when is the first ateneo-la salle game? i know i am kind of jinx but fuck it, i am still watching!

wimbledon love

i was able to follow wimbledon matches religiously this year (for lack of better things to do - when you're sick and unable to read for 4 straights days). i'm elated roger federer won. rafa had his french open moment already and he's a bit repulsive to be honest. ha ha. tennis is love. who's game to play?

this is what happens when there are too many hot musicians on tv

justin timberlake, adam levine and chris carraba are so goddamn hot. okay i'm taking all my clothes off now. ha ha. kidding you guys. or not. whatever.

make me smile

• E just got back from LA and boy did she change! she's not only gushing about boys, boys, boys and shoes, shoes, shoes (which 3 years ago would have been extremely alarming) but she also brought some amusing fan girl stories: of she and her companions chatting up george clooney, brad pitt and matt damon on the red carpet during the ocean's 13 premiere, of her dreadful experience at some bar where lc and other the hills stars frequent to, of her funny (i'm sorry, dear) desertion (if you can call it that) in the states for almost a month complete with e's signature panicky stories of meeting random people in transit. (ah, the queen crammer. ha ha.)
• really, really looking forward to having lunch with you guys. s, e and i have some major travel plans to take care of. can you say shopping? absolutely not. we are going to be the total cheap people real soon. and i hope that (semi) unconsumerist lifestyle (i hope!) will yield to some fat bank accounts in the future. oh, jimmy choos! why not. ha ha.
  
• my health has been... stormy these past few days and looks like the weather is following suit (ha ha how pathetic is that). to add to the horrendousness of being perpetually sick, which means zero, zilch, nada social life, and for the hermit part of me, that's a reason to celebrate with zadie smith, haruki murakami and sarah elizabeth philips (ha ha) but geezus NO - my god, i can't even finish a page without getting all teary-eyed. worse, every time i close my eyes, i see all these psychedelic dots doing a weird hypnotic dance. oh fever, you have already ruined my social life and i forgive you for that, but please, don't even try to mess up my career life, okay? stop being excessively stubborn and go away!
• i had a 'date' with P last weekend and the other P was supposed to follow after his work but he said he's too tired to drive to where we were and that he will just treat me some other time. anyway, P had a lot of interesting and intriguing stories (mostly about his sexcapades). our initial plan was to watch transformers but heck gossipping and eating and drinking and laughing got in the way so priorities were tossed aside for a while (that movie, btw, kicked ass). P and i have this weird kind of friendship. most people think he's my boyfriend every time we run into some acquaintances while we're happily strolling along in a mall or in some night out place, but honestly, doesn't his aura/demeanor scream i am so fucking gay and i need a dashing bastard to play with for one evening right now? seriously. someone needs to put an end to all these ridiculous stories about me. (ha ha, feeling) we bowled and played billiards (which i super sucked at, i tell you, i was way better in high school). then i saw this guy who handed me his number and tried making a conversation with me while i was innocently studying at the filipiniana section library last year (used to be my study spot!). so we said hi to each other and then he goes, so you're with your new boyfriend, i suppose? WHAT. okay so i introduced him to P and they started getting all friendly right away! turns out, they are batch mates. hmmm interesting.
  
• time is moving so fast and it makes me so uneasy in so many ways. i have a lot of things in my mind and i can't seem to accomplish any of them without getting too distraught about the time constraints. paranoia is killing me and this sickness makes it all the more upsetting.
  
• my head is spinning again and i need to lie down...have so much more to say but oh well. happy weekend, everyone!

my own version

dear you,
this used to be a love letter, before its hunches thickened, its breath grew short, before it found itself sitting, perplexed, and a little embarrassed, inside a parked black car, while everyone was busy cramming for their next exams. it remembers itself dressing as if for a great engagement, choosing the most beautiful shoes, red or black. once, it drank beer for breakfast, rested its feet on a bunk bed side by side with the feet of another. once, it felt sadness, then eventually grew brokenness, dropping the head so the hair would fall forward, so the weeping eyes could not be seen. it was lovely then, this letter. what it knew in the morning, it still believed at night. yet the longing has not diminished. still, it understands. however, if disquieted by the pure and unfamiliar silence of new life; yes, it decides.

sick afternoon

so life has been odd for the past few months. i feel like everything is moving so fast and i am suddenly confronted by all the stress that comes with (ew) adulthood -- decisions, decisions. i can't believe that in just a matter of 3 days i have decided to go with what my heart has been telling me to do since graduation: pack my bags and leave. i don't know why but i feel that i am finally making the right decision now. and i am ever glad that my parents are always willing to support their wiggly child no matter how indecisive she gets on most days. i wish i have thought about this right after my so called hiatus but everything seemed to be fine back then to be honest. but on some days like today, i feel like my life is moving so slow and i will never be able to keep up with everyone.

indecisions. indecisions. how do we make them stop?