Quarter Life

I'm having a hard time sleeping lately. I worry about work endlessly. Although this is a good sign because it means I love what I'm doing - it consumes me; the return is not that satisfying. I know that I'm only biding my time until graduation but I really want so bad to excel in this field.

to be cont

;

To You

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food,
For love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

 

I'm scared, overwhelmed, and confused. To You, I offer everything.

On changes

My despair for a new life is peaking right this very moment and I wish to leave the current work as soon as I find a new one. I am genuinely hard-pressed for words to describe the work environment now because I'm still trying to figure things out. I remember distinctly how I wanted to get this job so bad a little more than a year ago, how I hoped to find that otherworld feeling of doing something every day and actually make a living off it. Then I started working. Everything changed.

How remarkably ironic life can be.

you

there is nothing that makes me happier now than lying down next to you or having a good laugh over a bottle of wine with you. i love, love you and i never wish to be parted from you from this day on.

random bits

• i skipped work today because migraine hit me again and i thought i needed a full day rest. i can't miss class tonight though, we're gearing up for the finals next week and i need inputs to rev up my ass to study finance. ugh.
• i'm downloading wall-e through utorrent but my internet connection keeps going haywire every 15minutes. something about the network configuration/speed limit that my smart ass brain couldn't figure out.
  
• i really miss the arts. i miss being surrounded by intelligent people who can lift me up from this dreary and boring world. i miss those passionate people who are just so much into appreciating the philosophy of life and not the shallow, material things that pervade in the corporate world. i miss my ateneo teachers and jesuits who had so much influence and effect on me in terms of looking at life at a broader and mature perspective. i don't know how people stay sane while doing corporate work because for me it's just a bit of a struggle. i usually find myself being pulled into one direction for a time only to realize that i need a sort of balance once again.
  
• something is wrong in my life now and for some weird reason, i couldn't pinpoint it or even articulate it to myself. i feel like there's something lacking in my life albeit the stable job and the multiple things i do now. i've been thinking about it long and hard and i think i just need a break from work. work never gets fulfilling no matter how hard i try and make it look like 'good enough for now.' at least i'm still sticking it out and doing the best i can!
  
• edit: finished downloading so i can watch na! hooray! =)
  

why hello september

adulthood is so hard.

decisions, decisions, decisions.

madness

i haven't been doing much introspection lately and i believe i'm losing my sense of stability (yet) again. i've been trudging along for the past few months and i find myself eternally restless, always itching to be somewhere else, doing something else. if you really know me, you'd know how i love to push people away from me when i am down and on my way to self-destruction. i'm sad and i think it's getting worse by the day until i finally settle into something new. i have been (scorched-ly) burned by my current corporate life and know my heart isn't into this anymore.

i'm confused and lonely and unhappy and bottom line is, it's just really all my fault.