where do i go now

in my currently unemployed state, i wake up wondering what little, twaddle project i can amuse myself with. everyday is a Saturday, so my dear brother/mentor/Professor says. i have copious amounts of Time and The Economist again (thanks to daddy for the unwavering support via subscriptions of all kinds including Teen Vogue, Glamour and Elle - none of which he finds remotely interesting save from the bikini-clad models he sees from time to time. teehee.). so i find myself keeping abreast with the more significant international news (a breather from the exasperating national politics) and the capital/finance market recently. i don't know why, but i continue to find the finance world increasingly fascinating since my short bank stint albeit i am just a mere mortal from the social sciences. maybe i am really leaning towards some bank career? oh God forbid. i have stocked up on quite a few books, too and i must say, magazines and books are now my official greatest extravagance that my room is close to resembling a cramped salon already.

hmmm, it's been an exhausting week for me (yes i know, it's only Tuesday) and with August here again i can't believe that July is coming to an end in just a week from now! things are moving at such a breakneck pace and i have been so consumed with the desire to do well in my career and have a fat bank account, which i know won't be able to give me everything anyway; it's just the immature longing inside of me wanting to prove myself to everyone. sigh. i seriously need to stop this self-destructive habit. speaking of career, i don't know what to do with my life anymore. i'm getting more and more confused everyday. offers are popping out left and right and i know i should be grateful for these but i have never felt so purposeless in my entire life. you can say i am in limbo, maybe i am i have no clue, but i feel so incredibly restless and stressed lately (oh yeah, what's new, right). i just want to think or meditate about where i really want my life to head to; otherwise, i will be forever stuck in a serious case of brain clutter.

i am not making sense, am i? this is just a poor excuse to write. or maybe my mind is actually aimlessly wandering somewhere trying to find its niche. oh, come back, idiotic mind. save me.