why hello september

adulthood is so hard.

decisions, decisions, decisions.

madness

i haven't been doing much introspection lately and i believe i'm losing my sense of stability (yet) again. i've been trudging along for the past few months and i find myself eternally restless, always itching to be somewhere else, doing something else. if you really know me, you'd know how i love to push people away from me when i am down and on my way to self-destruction. i'm sad and i think it's getting worse by the day until i finally settle into something new. i have been (scorched-ly) burned by my current corporate life and know my heart isn't into this anymore.

i'm confused and lonely and unhappy and bottom line is, it's just really all my fault.

first office post!

wuhaw, my first office post indeed! still sabaw and sleepy - if i could have my way i'd stay home and read my books instead. i'm hitting one year here at the bank in about a week from now and oh boy, i wish i could boast of accumulating wealth over the past year of restless (and aimless) toiling but NO - hard earned cash all went to my useless expenses! having learned my lesson, i promise to take good care of my finances from now on. everything should be meticulously calculated and every new purchase should be carefully contemplated on (if it's a necessity or just a whim). i'll make sure that by the end of this year, i'd be able to add more to my savings!
*****

(edit: wow i write like a grade schooler at the office. HAHAH)

self-dejection

i've been wanting to write a novel-ish entry, but work's getting in the way. i just had a tumultuous week - (triple) madness at work, parents going through a midlife crisis, endless soul searching (i know it sounds corny but it's so apt to describe what i am going through now), chasing the ever-elusive allure of the kind of success i want for myself, trying to deem everyday work as meaningful and fulfilling, trying to save up for retirement (ha ha), trying to be happy. this frenzied search for validation of myself is so frustrating i usually end up crying on most nights.

back to square one

i will never ever forget this day - change, change, change.

bring it on, future!

because uncertainty has been the lingering theme of my life for the past three weeks and i'm not entirely sure how long i can take this (i'm guessing my patience could only take me as far as the month ends), and like any other depressing/emo/sawi state i've wallowed into, - life-changing events happened, epiphanies appeared, and false pride (to hide fears/doubts) subsided. not only was i able to do something about my growing almost uncontrollable impatience on my current immobility, i also (i hope!) mustered every grain of courage to face the consequences of my actions in the coming days (or weeks). i realized that beating around the bush is no longer a valid excuse and castigation will be exercised should it resurface again. my rage over pretentious people who in a way betrayed me miraculously vanished and my heart finally went back to its regular beat. much can be said about the past few months and i surmise i will be facing more painful challenges but this one should always remain in my head (apologies for the absurd cryptic-ness) - l.p.m.a.

uncertainty

there are many things that never fail to amaze me in the past 6 years i spent in this city. sometimes i wonder where my feet will take me next.