back from the dead

I’ve been meaning to write about the GAZILLION things happening in my life right now but somehow, I always end up brain dead from work. WORK WORK WORK. Who knew I’d become one of those corporate stiff who’ve got nothing in mind but capitalist profit making schemes. Well okay, not really!

So Lenten Season passed by just like that… when I was a kid, my family and I would spend the Holy Week in Naga going to the Church almost thrice a day for 5 days in a row. I, being the stubborn, rebellious middle child, would squirm at the thought of waking up at friggin 3am just to catch the Salubong at dawn of Easter Sunday. But after every Church activity, I would be high on Jesus and I tell you, nothing beats that kind of happiness and fulfillment – not even retail, spa or Starbucks therapy could come close to that fuzzy feeling of spiritual highness. This holy week, however, I never got to that freaky-intense-yet-lovely highness point of being a Catholic, which I kind of regret. I wish I could have been more active in Church gatherings but I was always sleepy and high on something else – not on drugs, mind you. Explaining what I was high on would require a new entry altogether – just because.

WTF, I think this week will be a major challenge as I am on a see-saw of emotional PMS-ing again. Aside from that, I feel so sluggish and unfulfilled lately. I wish I could do more at work – life feels so constricting sometimes. I need some change. I need growth. Why is that so hard to achieve?

After reading that horrifying, scary expose last night, I felt like my happy bubble suddenly popped out. All the positive energy vibe I’ve been clinging on to was taken away, as if a sudden wave of nostalgia has swept over me and I’m on the brink of being at my lowest low again. Oh God forbid.

Last night, I slept beside my mom because she will leave this afternoon for Naga. I felt like a vulnerable 10 year old kid all over again. Of course this was inevitably followed by an overwhelming remorse. Sigh. So much to do set my heart right.

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i never thought i'd be this mushy and cheesy but whatever, this time i really don't care. my heart feels so heavy rightthisverysecond because we haven't seen each other for a week (gross, i know). i'm just SIGH SIGH SIGH. earlier tonight though, i got a bit a excited because he sent a text message saying he'd come over after his practice. sadly, he still had to fix some things for tomorrow. oh well, i'll see him tomorrow night anyway. i'll just bury my head in a book and engross myself in another world.

chasing a dream with a clam

• i finally understood why corporate people get so prissy on most days of their lives. they drown themselves with a bucket of booze almost every weekend and have almost nothing to talk about except crap - crappy topics and inside jokes that perpetually end up with sex. so folks, when confronted by this inevitable circumstance, remember that those people are just plain work horses and are just making even the most godforsaken, ridiculous stories their escape route towards a more peaceful, relaxed weekend. (which is not exactly an advantage for people like me who have a semi low tolerance for these kinds.)
  
• swimmin', wimmin', chillin', sleepin' are my plans for this quick weekend! oh well.
  
• tell me please, please. why oh why do i even bother? i seriously need a dermatologist for a long, overdue rejuvenation.
  
• indeed, life has a funny way of sneaking up on you. just when you thought you're done with your past mistakes, someone trots along and slaps you the cold, hard truth on your face...and you find yourself smack-dab in the dubious, way, way confused state of mind again (even the most annoying ones find out). clinical is beyond understatement for me...
  
• to be cont...
  

no more lazy weekdays (ed.)

• or any other day of the week, it seems. bum days are winding down and i am afraid late nights included as well. oh well, if it pays the bills, go ahead then, slave me away. no double entendre intended, folks. i am currently embracing the good girl inside me.
  
• whatever happened to lindsay lohan? poor girl. she looks so wretched, tacky and drugged. and what is it with media being so youth obsessed nowadays? don't people realize that she looks like a 58 year old woman on her way to self-destruction? and please, don't ever tell me that she's hot. and it's the sex. or a guy thing. spare the younger generation from sleazy starlets. but as what she always says, "whateverrrr." wow, i'm so touched. *tear*
  
• this is so pretentious of me to mention this because i admit i don't listen to classical music as often as the mozart, chopin, etc. fans do, but i am currently listening to Beethoven's symphony no. 6 in f op. 68 pastoral. i must say the music relieves me. it gives me an energetic "ting" i need today for this afternoon's meeting. brain music, this is.
  
• i want the sun. show up now, come on!
• i sometimes found myself laughing so hard i cried. laughing and crying, you know, it's the same release.

(ed. pardon the typo and all the other typos and will be typos in this blog! i am always a bit emotional or hyper when i write here.)