To You

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food,
For love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

 

I'm scared, overwhelmed, and confused. To You, I offer everything.

On changes

My despair for a new life is peaking right this very moment and I wish to leave the current work as soon as I find a new one. I am genuinely hard-pressed for words to describe the work environment now because I'm still trying to figure things out. I remember distinctly how I wanted to get this job so bad a little more than a year ago, how I hoped to find that otherworld feeling of doing something every day and actually make a living off it. Then I started working. Everything changed.

How remarkably ironic life can be.

you

there is nothing that makes me happier now than lying down next to you or having a good laugh over a bottle of wine with you. i love, love you and i never wish to be parted from you from this day on.

random bits

• i skipped work today because migraine hit me again and i thought i needed a full day rest. i can't miss class tonight though, we're gearing up for the finals next week and i need inputs to rev up my ass to study finance. ugh.
• i'm downloading wall-e through utorrent but my internet connection keeps going haywire every 15minutes. something about the network configuration/speed limit that my smart ass brain couldn't figure out.
  
• i really miss the arts. i miss being surrounded by intelligent people who can lift me up from this dreary and boring world. i miss those passionate people who are just so much into appreciating the philosophy of life and not the shallow, material things that pervade in the corporate world. i miss my ateneo teachers and jesuits who had so much influence and effect on me in terms of looking at life at a broader and mature perspective. i don't know how people stay sane while doing corporate work because for me it's just a bit of a struggle. i usually find myself being pulled into one direction for a time only to realize that i need a sort of balance once again.
  
• something is wrong in my life now and for some weird reason, i couldn't pinpoint it or even articulate it to myself. i feel like there's something lacking in my life albeit the stable job and the multiple things i do now. i've been thinking about it long and hard and i think i just need a break from work. work never gets fulfilling no matter how hard i try and make it look like 'good enough for now.' at least i'm still sticking it out and doing the best i can!
  
• edit: finished downloading so i can watch na! hooray! =)
  

why hello september

adulthood is so hard.

decisions, decisions, decisions.

madness

i haven't been doing much introspection lately and i believe i'm losing my sense of stability (yet) again. i've been trudging along for the past few months and i find myself eternally restless, always itching to be somewhere else, doing something else. if you really know me, you'd know how i love to push people away from me when i am down and on my way to self-destruction. i'm sad and i think it's getting worse by the day until i finally settle into something new. i have been (scorched-ly) burned by my current corporate life and know my heart isn't into this anymore.

i'm confused and lonely and unhappy and bottom line is, it's just really all my fault.

first office post!

wuhaw, my first office post indeed! still sabaw and sleepy - if i could have my way i'd stay home and read my books instead. i'm hitting one year here at the bank in about a week from now and oh boy, i wish i could boast of accumulating wealth over the past year of restless (and aimless) toiling but NO - hard earned cash all went to my useless expenses! having learned my lesson, i promise to take good care of my finances from now on. everything should be meticulously calculated and every new purchase should be carefully contemplated on (if it's a necessity or just a whim). i'll make sure that by the end of this year, i'd be able to add more to my savings!
*****

(edit: wow i write like a grade schooler at the office. HAHAH)